snaphappy | INBOX: NOCTIUM.

so it's kind of a relief, then
but you don't worry about what's happening
back home?

No, I do. But what good does worrying do, really? It won't change anything. I can't affect the state of the world from here. I might not have even been able to affect it from there, honestly.

Besides, people keep telling me to let this be a chance to do things I never got to before. I suppose there's a part of me that rationalizes that, if I don't do it now, when will I ever? As soon as I find my way back, I'll have to throw myself into work again.

What about you? What did you leave behind?

mm...
that's true
and u should do that
try to do things u never got to do before i mean
it's a good chance for u to find good things

idk what i left behind
still kinda... confused
about it all
i guess i left behind the place where
i messed things up
so it's probably good if i don't go back, right?

Putting yourself into some sort of self-imposed exile, then?

Forget about good and bad for a minute. If it were up to you, would you want to go back, or not?

that depends on a lot of things
would you come with me?

Is

Are you just flirting, or do you mean that?

well
i'm flirting
and i also mean it

...It's my understanding that I go on to play some sort of significant role in the events to come in my future. So that makes things complicated.

It's my duty that's making things difficult. If it weren't for that, then it'd be a much easier answer.

it's okay
that's kinda what i figured

Aren't you the same way, though? You couldn't just up and abandon your prince.

i couldn't
unless he wanted me to
because of what i did

otherwise i'd come with you

well i guess that would also be
only if you wanted me to

You keep saying that. You "did" something, you "messed things up".
I told you I was ready to let a friend die for my sake and you didn't hold it against me.
So you have to realize I'm the last person in the world with any right to judge.

So, what did you do?
I can't imagine him not wanting you.
I can't imagine not wanting you, either.

i know you won't judge me
and some of it is hard to explain
stuff i don't really...tell anyone

but the rest
honestly...
i don't really know
i need to talk to him about it
but he doesn't know, because he hasn't
done what he did yet

it's weird huh?
people coming from the past
or the future

so i'm kinda stuck wondering
which is why i've tried to just get past it myself
but it's kinda difficult ig

Tell me what he did, then.

I owe you for guessing where my gem is, don't I? So, put me to work for you.
I'll be your Sherlock Holmes. A consulting detective.

You don't know and he doesn't know, but maybe it's a mystery we can solve anyway.

he tried to kill me
i guess
it's weird to put it that way

i thought we were just playing around at first, but
he pulled his sword on me and all that
chased me through the train
told me it was all my fault
and put his arm on my throat

there's this guy, where we're from
this really bad...guy
he did some really awful things
and killed people very important to noct
the prince, i mean
he was on the train
i had him cornered on top of it and

the prince knocked the gun out of my hand
pushed me off the train
i mean maybe it was an accident?

anyway i fell and
woke up in the crater here

all i can think is that like...
if i hadn't tried so hard to be his friend
hadn't followed along after him all the time
hadn't accepted going along with him on the journey
maybe that's what he meant? like maybe it would have changed things

or maybe it's the other stuff, the secret stuff
but how would he know? idk
everything is all jumbled

That sounds unlike him.

But, all right. I'm going to ask you some questions.
Try not to think too hard about them; there aren't any right or wrong answers.
I'll learn more from what you say on instinct than anything else.

Does that make sense? Whatever your thoughts and feelings are, no matter how nonsensical you think they are. Just say them anyway.

Let's start with something simple. Why were you on a train?

it makes sense but

i feel bad
like wasting your time with this
there are better things you could be doing
right?

...
All right, then. If you think it's a waste of time, I'll respect that. But answer just one question, instead, and then we can stop.

Why isn't it Ignis's fault?

no i just
it's not a waste of time to get your help
you're not a waste of time
i just feel bad
like I'M wasting your time
and i don't want you to
get tired of me bc of this stuff

we were on the train to tenebrae
it's the place where lady lunafreya is from
she's noct's fiance
we were heading there
and then to the imperial capital
because they took something rly important
and we needed to get it back

it's not ignis' fault because
he's a good person
he's from a high born family and stuff
and he doesn't mess things up
he was born in the right place
and he's supposed to be at noct's side

I don't think that.
I've never really been close to anyone. And listening to people, finding out about them...that's the way to become close to them, isn't it?
So, that's what I want.
I like you. I want to be close to you. I want to stay up all night eating cream puffs and look stupid running in the mornings and get flustered about showering with you. I want to listen to you.
I don't want to make the mistake of not listening to people I care about again.

They say that there are two necessary elements to every crime — motive and opportunity.
Let's say for the sake of argument that the "motive" is that you're an inherently bad person. (That isn't true, but just to play out the logic, let's say it is.)
That still doesn't give you the opportunity to mess things up.

How could you have more influence over something going wrong than the prince's advisor?

you're right.
and i want to listen to you too
i'm sorry. i don't wanna get in the way of that

it's funny cause i'm good at listening
but it's hard for me to be honest sometimes
i trust you, though. i don't want you thinking i don't

so

if we want to look at it logically then...
ignis is really busy a lot
and maybe it was unintentional
it's not like he could tell noct "no" if he wanted me along
and not like he could know what would happen
maybe i lack the training, or like
the other stuff and
it made a difference, in how everything happened
me being along for the ride is opportunity, right?

maybe he blames me for the bad things that happened
because i should have been better, or different

Or maybe you're "bad luck".
That's really what you want to say, isn't it?

You don't actually think you did something specific to cause whatever happened.
The "cause" is just that you were there.
"If I wasn't there, none of it would have happened."

Did you kill anyone important to the prince?

no, i didn't
but i didn't save anyone either

Maybe not, but play out the scenario this way.

Two people are standing on top of the train, you said. You, and someone who did terrible things and killed people important to the prince.

He comes up onto the top of the train and sees both of you.

And of the two of you, the person who killed people he cares about and the person who "didn't save" people he cares about, he decides...YOU'RE the one he blames for what happened?

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