snaphappy | INBOX: NOCTIUM.

you have one?
a baby??

what did you name her???

her name is
ebony!

she looks a lil different
than the one in the pic

i figured u might see her
the next time u come over

Ebony is an unusual name for a yellow bird. I assume that's the "little different" part?

I do want to see her. I've never had a pet before. Is she a pet or something else?

yeah she's...
got black feathers
but it's ok!!
the black ones are special

well yeah, she's family 😊
maybe you can help me take care of her
if u want

I'm sure she's beautiful. Black would be a striking color on a bird like that. Besides, it's the color you wear most, so you'll match.

You'll show me how? I don't want to mess it up...

we'll get her a purple ribbon
and then she'll match us both hehe 😊

yeah! i don't know TOO much but
i think we'll do okay
she'll probably outgrow the apartment soon
but i'll fix that part

Oh. Do you think you're going to move? To someplace bigger, I mean.

me?? no i don't think so
just maybe i could get a place to keep her

actually that house, from the party?
i can live there if i want
i have a room and everything
and there's land there but

well
it's kinda embarrassing
but i like this lame apartment
i like that i have a place where
i can be alone with the girl i like
where she can stay over and we can
do whatever we want

there, i gave u that secret
for free

I don't think that's embarrassing.
The house from the party is a nice house.
Gladiolus seems like a good person and you would obviously live in luxury there if that's what you chose.

But it wouldn't be yours, right?

Sometimes it's worth it just to have something that's yours.

yeah...
i think you're right.

plus i don't think i really...
fit in
in a place like that, either
and it's nice to have a place that's mine
even if it's not like i earned it or anything

It's funny because I think I'm sort of the opposite. I feel more comfortable in places that aren't mine. I sleep better in your apartment than I do in my own.

I don't really know why that is. You'd think it would be the other way around.

mmm
maybe it's comforting, in a way
to be surrounded by things that remind you
of people you know and trust?
like you're safe

That's probably it, yes.
Or at least close to it.

I had a room at school but I didn't tend to spend nights sleeping in it.
I was obligated to, though. Sleeping outside the dormitory meant punishment, so I had to be careful to make sure it didn't happen by mistake.

what kinda punishment?
i promise that if you want to spend most of your nights in my bed
no one's gonna get you in trouble here, at least

...

Execution, I think.
No one ever tried it to find out for sure, but.

damn...
that's scary...
they really wanted to have control of everything, huh

I drank a lot of coffee. It was just a matter of being careful, is all.

I'm sorry. Does it bother you to hear about it?

no it
well it sounds weird to say i like hearing about it
but i wanna know everything you wanna tell me
i like knowing about you, and all that is part of you
so you don't have to keep anything from me

I wish it wasn't part of me.

The only reason I went to that school at all is because I wanted to confront my father. I ignored my grandfather's wishes to do it, but it was important to me. That's what I thought, anyway.

I suppose if I'd listened to him I never would've been there at all.

do you regret it? or do you still think it was important?

I don't remember what I said to him. Logically I must've said something, but that's just a conclusion drawn from other evidence. The actual memories aren't there.

That was the other thing done to us. Erasing our memories. Mine more than most.

I don't know. We started with sixteen and ended with six. I suppose I had something to do with the six that remained, but I also had plenty to do with the ten that didn't.

they erased them??
i wonder if we could
get them back somehow...

i think it was important you were there
i wish you hadn't had to be
but six is so much more than none
and it wasn't your fault...

"Suppressed" is probably a better word for it. Some of them have come back over time, but there's a lot that's still just a blur. Usually I can just fill in those gaps with reasoned assumptions, but it's not the same as knowing.

I started to realize it for certain after we were given our second incentive to kill each other. It was something about revealing our darkest secrets to the world, if there wasn't a killing within twenty-four hours. But my secret card was blank. It made no sense to me, because of course I'd looked beneath my gloves and seen the scars on my hands, and felt as though I had to keep them covered. Surely that would've constituted a "dark secret", if nothing else.

It didn't take long to realize that it wasn't that I "didn't" have a dark secret to present. It was that the mastermind "couldn't" present it — because all of my dark secrets were rooted in the knowledge that had been suppressed.

they kinda played themselves with that one huh
no incentive for you

it must be hard though
to not know things about yourself
or to not have someone who can fill in the gaps for you
but maybe they'll all come back after time
suppressed is better than erased at least

actually i...got
this thing, when i got the chocobo
it's a mirror that's supposed to show you memories
like i think you think on it
and it displays whatever in the mirror
i wonder if it would work?

It's just tedious sometimes. I'll be asked a basic question and realize I can't answer it — "what year is it", for example. I can guess, or draw conclusions. But that's different than knowing.

...Do you want to try, sometime? You might see some unpleasant things.

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