People do strange things out of grief. People make irrational decisions. Leap to nonsensical conclusions. You're so upset by what happened that you're desperate to convince yourself you deserved it.
Maybe he thought he was saving you. Getting you away from him, so that you didn't die like the other people he cared about. Doing it in a way he couldn't take back, just in case he lost his nerve at the last minute.
Maybe he was ashamed of the way he'd treated you before. Maybe he told himself the same thing you've been telling yourself — that he had to get you away from him for your own good. That staying close to him would only bring you "bad luck".
People make mistakes...when they're upset and ashamed.
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You're so upset by what happened that you're desperate to convince yourself you deserved it.
Maybe he thought he was saving you. Getting you away from him, so that you didn't die like the other people he cared about. Doing it in a way he couldn't take back, just in case he lost his nerve at the last minute.
Maybe he was ashamed of the way he'd treated you before. Maybe he told himself the same thing you've been telling yourself — that he had to get you away from him for your own good. That staying close to him would only bring you "bad luck".
People make mistakes...when they're upset and ashamed.